Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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