no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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