I just threw up on my dentist
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
