hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
