So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
