overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
