im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
