Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Mom said you looked used
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
