sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
