Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
