She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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