I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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