If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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