It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
