Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
