I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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