Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
