If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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