Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
