So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
