Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
