Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
