I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Me. At least after what I've been through.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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