Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
