he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
