Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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