my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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