what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
