I'm gonna have a badass scar
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
