; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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