textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
