i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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