Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
