i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
