omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
