Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
