Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
