I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
