matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate all girls vehemently.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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