So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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