i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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