I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
