why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
