Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
