when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
