saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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