I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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