suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
