She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
