this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
